Stupid phones. Where did the idea come from that they are smart phones? Certainly not from the smartphones themselves. They don't have ideas. They're not smart. They don't think.
Maybe they simulate thoughts - the thoughts of the people who created them - but they don't think.
Stupid phones. If mine really was a smart phone, it would have had the sense to yell at me as I was walking out the door.
"Hey!" a truly smart phone would have shouted at me in the nick of time, "You're forgetting something, aren't you?" Instead, it just laid there like a lump. A dumb, stupid lump.
And it let me go off to work without it. And I missed an important
meeting with a friend.
Because not only is my smartphone stupid, but it makes me stupid, too.
I don't have to think anymore. All my thoughts are stored in my stupid smartphone, where I can retrieve them without hardly a thought of my own.
It keeps track of my appointments, and sounds a clever alarm - a different one for every different kind of appointment - at exactly the appropriate amount of time that I need to prepare for the appointment.
Unless it's where I can't hear the alarm. Unless it's at home while I'm slugging away in my office.
In the old days, before I had a stupid smartphone to keep me from thinking,
I thought about what I had to do.
And when I had to do it. My brain worked in the old days. Instead of a smart phone, I had a smart brain. Now I have my smartphone, and a stupid brain.
And since the smartphone is actually stupid, there's not a heckuva lot of smart left to go around.
The stupid-smart conundrum goes much further than my brain. It goes far beyond me.
It's like a movement that has swept through much of America, the groundzero of stupid smartphone technology, and is pushing a wave of dumb deep into Canada.
You see it everywhere. And it's not just making people stupid - it's making them downright scared of smart.
Take Smart Meters, for instance.
Well, like their kissingcousin smartphones, they're poorly named - they're not smart.
But smart or stupid, what really counts is that they're helping to make all of us stupid.
Not with some kind of phantasmagorical radiosonic infrapositional positronic ether-borne IQreducing quantum phlegm... at least not directly.
Nope. What's making us stupid is the belief that the phantasmagorical radio-sonic infrapositional positronic ether-borne IQreducing quantum phlegm exists.
And on our smartphones we text each other notifications about the havoc that Smart Meters are wreaking on the DNA of our very souls.
We chat about it to each other on our cellphones.
And we look it up on the internet, using our Wi-Ficonnected computers.
Then we ignore the logical assessments of tens of thousands of scientists - the same ones we trust every time we use our computers and cellphones and - yes - those stupid smartphones.
And we take as gospel the rantings of a handful of whack-jobs who make themselves feel smart by making the rest of us stupid.
Just as stupid as smartphones.
Bob Groeneveld is the editor of the Langley Advance.
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